Passion of Life

Dilbert’s one liners!!

I say no to drugs, they just don’t listen.

A friend in need is a pest indeed.

Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.

Work is fine if it doesn’t take too much of your time.

When everything comes in your way you’re in the wrong lane.

The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.

Born free, taxed to death.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don’t have film.

Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.

Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.

It’s not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.

I love being a writer… what I can’t stand is the paperwork.

A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented

the other three, he was the genius.

The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.

In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?

Beat the 5 O’clock rush, leave work at noon!

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

It’s not the fall that kills you. It’s the sudden stop at the end.

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino’s Law of Burnt Fingers

The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.

Someday is not a day of the week.

After every flight, Qantas (Australian Air Service) pilots fill out a form

called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered

with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction.

The engineers read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing

on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the

pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of

humour.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as

submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by Maintenance

engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an

accident.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot)

(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very

rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot

reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That’s what they’re there for.

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget

pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

Moral: Problem statement to be more specific.

If your father is a poor man,

it is your fate but,

if your father-in-law is a poor man,

it’s your stupidity.

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I was born intelligent -

education ruined me.

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Practice makes perfect…..

But nobody’s perfect……

so why practice?

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If it’s true that we are here to help others,

then what exactly are the others here for?

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Since light travels faster than sound,

people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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How come “abbreviated” is such a long word?

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Money is not everything.

There’s Mastercard & Visa.

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One should love animals.

They are so tasty.

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Behind every successful man, there is a woman

And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

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Every man should marry.

After all, happiness is not the only thing in

life.

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The wise never marry.

and when they marry they become otherwise.

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Success is a relative term.

It brings so many relatives.

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Never put off the work till tomorrow

what you can put off today.

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“Your future depends on your dreams”

So go to sleep

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There should be a better way to start a day

Than waking up every morning

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“Hard work never killed anybody”

But why take the risk

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“Work fascinates me”

I can look at it for hours

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God made relatives;

Thank God we can choose our friends.

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The more you learn, the more you know,

The more you know, the more you forget

The more you forget, the less you know

So.. why learn.

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A bus station is where a bus stops.

A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk, I have a work station….

what more can I say……..